Though I only started this blog about one month ago and have only ever written five entries, a lot has changed. This summer was the worst summer of my life. Many of my family and friendships disintegrated, causing my mental health to as well. I needed an outlet, a safe space if you will to express my distaste for life. A simple handwritten journal wouldn’t do for an average girl like me with an overbearing mother who would read it and react with aggression.
Since then, however, I have been back in school with a set routine. I feel so much better about life and hopeful for the future with friends and family or without. I am a girl boss. I can do this with their support or not.
Despite having only posted a few times, those entries lifted my spirits in ways I did not think was possible. It turned the shittiest of situations around and made me realize things about myself I otherwise would have overlooked. I developed a huge passion for literature over the summer, having read numerous books, written numerous essays and started this website. The last post I wrote, about my horrible Monday, ended up giving me complete joy in the fact that it was so horrible. I realized, where is the beauty in life without some ugly days? How would you recognize what is exceptional if everything was exceptional?
For this, I want to keep this blog going. But I’m failing. I can’t maintain a schedule and I am lucky if I get two views on a post at best. I know its only been a month and I don’t expect anybody to give a shit about my issues but I would like to try harder in both of those arenas.
I want to take the upcoming weekend as a chance to revamp my blog. I want it to change and to embody who I am as a person. I love literature, beauty, wellness, interior design and organization. I love talking about life, good books, movies, politics, love and happiness.
I desire nothing more than to discover a creative outlet, or a muse as I would say (reference my site title), to develop a career out of. Even if that career is as simple as maintaining my sanity. Even if it doesn’t pay the bills, I want that creative muse to be the centre of my life.
If there is one thing I learned about myself throughout this messy life, it is that I cannot live it for others anymore. When I do so, well I don’t think it would last for long. I can’t go to school to get a job in this system and find a husband to pay the hydro bills in this expensive ass country who will give me kids to teach them to do just the same. Yippee. I do not by any means hate the system we live in, its just, well, not for me. It’s driving me bonkers.
I may not be able to sing, paint a fabulous picture or even write a decent blog post, but I do have willpower. I need to create something I am proud of, my life is dependent on it.
So I guess I am writing this scattered and horrible post to ask you guys what you think I should consider when revamping my site? If you would please email me any suggestions at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment down below it would be oh so greatly, magnificently and tremendously appreciated. I want the site to represent me as this scattered brain individual who loves too much stuff as you just readnessed (witnessed but read it ha ha ha).
How do you guys cope with the messier times in life? Is it through blogging like me?