Every single little thing that could go wrong, has gone wrong on this dreadful, catastrophic Monday. And to think it’s not even noon yet.
Well it all started last night actually, when my fan (the one I need to sleep in my hot as fuck house in this hot as fuck September) decided to start squealing like a dying pig. So of course, and naturally, my sleepless body decided to bless the start of my week even more so with the sniffles. Thanks bod, its not like I have any crucial work to do this week or anything. I’ll remember this next time I do you the favour of drinking nasty liquified spinach for your benefit.
Then, the worst of all happened: my avocado wasn’t ripe enough for my morning daily toast. How can I go on with my day from here? This is where I should have given up completely.
The rest of the morning went a little like this. I forgot a water bottle, which is a necessity in this heat (by the way is this global warming or what?). I forgot my debit card or any form of payment so I couldn’t buy myself a Starbucks pick-me-up latte. The gas tank in my car was completely empty, and with no money I am extremely surprised that I didn’t have to call for backup. And, the worst of all, I forgot to put on deodorant and ended up stinking up my entire class. Sorry guys, but we’ve all been there.
Ok maybe I’m being just a tad dramatic. But whats a Monday without some frivolous complaint?
In all seriousness, this has been completely satiric. By no means do I think I am actually hard-done-by. There are worse things in life than your avocado not being ripe enough to your liking, but I mean that is a travesty if I do say so myself.
But regardless of the severity of the struggles of my day, I think we can all agree on just how sucky Monday is. Pardon my french but Monday’s can suck my ass. Let’s get rid of Monday’s altogether. Anyone with me?
The day is looking up however. I met an attractive guy. Well, not really, he was just in my class but still a girl can dream. And I listened to some old school Shania Twain. Up, up, up can only go up from here is what I keep telling myself. Thank you Shania for your public service to the shittiest of days.
How do you guys cope with Monday’s?
My regressive suggestion that realistically I do not suggest you follow is to relish in your misfortunes, to cut as many corners as you can and to well, don’t try. Don’t feel bad if you need a me-day, even if it is right after two consecutive me-days.
For those of you with the resilience I wish I had 365 days of the year, go tackle this catastrophic Monday. Go get it girl/boy/whatever you want to be boss!
For me, Monday won. I will tackle the rest of this day from my bed.
Just another manic Monday.